EGO

i know it's not pretty but my ego wants to wild out so here it goes :P im so smart, im unworthy, im special, you're an idiot, theyre so mean, youre not doing it right, i know better, you know better, im not at their level yet, their not at my level yet, they dont understand, you think you know it all dont you, i know a lot, whyd you eat that, thats not good for you, why'd you say that, you look stupid, im so immature, im so naive, im so weak :( , im pretty strong, im lazy, i follow my heart, how many more examples can i provide. im not done yet, i want to share more. i need to explain myself. I, you, me, dont act like you know know what's going on.  #egoismydepression #illusion

Love At My Door

Magician inside
Love thus arrived
Yet demon inside
Fucking run and hide

But it hurts so much
Surrender I cry
Allow the demon
thank you, reside

I see you Demon
I love you too
No blame is reason
Shine bright, shine truth

Hoping you,
would join me too
jk, your place in we
understandably in your own time as you please

Mahalo, We
Appreciating our deeds
Understanding tall
Love from my team <3
Evolution for all <3
Always get what we need

This Year So Far

WOOOOoooooo!
is the energy of relief as i say
that i'm so glad i made it to ---> today

Embraced with gratitude and surrender
the shadows and tribulations
I'm so glad to be feeling a bit more at home
welcome home, my dear friend Leo-nation ;)

MAHALO is what else i need to say
to dear kindred spirits
helping me along the way
^_^ mmm thank you so much
for your level of play

Pats of congratulations and EFT away
because this is only the beginning
despair no more, i've learned
keep my own wheel spinning

Confident in my position
Dreams come true
surrender allows the mission fruition
woop woop, gimmie all you got, woop woop! i say! ;)
In prayer, humility, respect, I ask for your light
protection, guidance, love warriors we fight <3

The Game

Magick is forreal
Looking back at my ordeal
How beautiful keepin it real
Planets in the sky, deal the deal

Soul knows where it wants to go
Holy Schmoly humanism so complicated yo
Pray to God please take away my ego
Praise, now no longer needed, ya know? ;)

Grateful for the game we play
Grateful for it everyday
Grateful for my team
Grateful i live my dream

Brown Recluse

Recluse
boost juice in reverence
gratitude thank you

choose to not move
Is death to my voice
grab my mic
creation my choice

Choose to not move
is death bye creativity
Get up and go flow
My fate lives within me

holy shit is right
better move or i'll bite
warning sign turn on your light
you're weapon, hella might

Inspiration from: The Brown Recluse Spider reminds me not to kill my own creativity through inactivity. 

We Are Earthlings

Let's see.....

A wise friend once told me "The only way we can come together is if aliens attacked"

LOL that's one way of looking at it. 

We are Earthlings <3 

and.... with that said... i love you :)

Our Body Has Feelings Too

I just got out of Bikram with a friend today and I wanted to share an epiphany I had.

You know how when we do restorative workouts such as yoga, or even cardio, etc? Something to get the body healthier? There's usually a "no pain no gain" mentality..?. (not that i ever work out with no pain no gain mentality, that's just crazy balls when you don't listen to your body)

During yoga today I was really present with my bodily discomforts.  I stayed silent through them and gently worked with the pain. In the present moment of being aware of my body, I felt all the pain my body was going through and then it hit me.

We all know that junk food, smoke, alcohol is bad for us.  It wasn't til tonight that I realized the pain I was feeling was the same pain my body feels when I mistreat it.   Because we need to reverse the effects, right? I felt what it was like to be in my body's shoes so to speak. I felt compassion for my body. I felt sorry.  All those times I put junk in my body, smoked, or drank alcohol, my body was in pain but it STILL works so damn hard for me every moment.

anyways chatting with my dear friend I wanted to share.....
With my background I know the body can heal itself. I know the body is ALWAYS doing its best to keep us in good condition. To keep us functioning, it will store away toxins for us until it can't handle it anymore.  This is why when we're young, we can eat or drink whatever we want.  Because the body's more effective at removing waste. Or because the body has more space to store toxins.  However, when the body can't handle it anymore, that's when we gets sick! Say with a high fever, cough, mucous hagging, diarrhea, the body is working hard to get the toxins out! ( so hag that shit out and you try to avoid any suppressants) And if it's realllly struggling and is having trouble eliminating toxins, it turns into something big like cancer or disease.

So,
Dear body and temple of mine. I apologize for the pain you feel when I don't treat you right.  Thank you for taking care of me always.  May I listen to you more and more.  Thank you for serving me.  May I serve you back because we are a team!

Lastly,
And another dear friend reminded me "All things in moderation including moderation" But for somebody like me, I am aware of how at times I could use that as an excuse to mistreat myself.  So "All things in moderation with awareness"

Vote With Your Dollars

A copy from my recent Facebook post: 

Matt Damon and his friend Howard Zinn says here, "civil disobedience is not our problem, obedience is our problem!... let's get back to the principles and spirit of the declaration of independence." 

so How many us here remember the principles of our declaration of independence? What our country was based off of? 

Please allow me to remind and quote-quote-forgive-the-grammar-mistakes-quote parts of our declaration of independence: 
"ALL men ARE created equal, that they are Endowed with certain Rights: LIFE, LIBERTY and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. --Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, IT IS THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE TO ALTER OR ABOLISH (THE GOVERNMENT)" 

With that said I'm not saying I know what to do next, because I don't. 

Just remember: WE HAVE THE POWER, keep your eyes and ears open, do what you can comfortably to do your part, and NEVER GIVE UP. A successful person is not one that doesn't fail, but one who never gives up. THANK YOU so much for reading up to this point. 

Vote with your dollars. The government is funded by lots of these big box companies.  Be aware of your spending habits but if you feel like you need to, don't beat yourself up. We are more and more aware every day. And we do better and better every day. 

Fearless Heart

I don't give a fuck about what you think
Because if you think you got me, then you better blink
Get your eyes checked cuz I'm the real thing
Humble, there's nothing you can to do make me flinch

I've been hurt so I learned how to follow
My heart is the answer to all my supposed sorrows
Once connected no more need to borrow
Truly fearless, embraced is the meaning of mahalo

Ms.Gisella Lioness Star

Dear Ms. Gisella, 

I called you today 

but I spoke with John and learned you’d passed away. 

I’m sorry we couldn’t get our Walzwerk and sauerkraut

Please forgive me I’m sorry I let my fear come to those selfish bouts.  

Thank you for your Lioness Spirit

So gentle and loving you are

So real with yourself 

a true shining star. 

Thank you for the treats

Thank you for the hugs

Thank you for the suggestions

Thank you for your love.

Thank you for your inspiration

Thank you for your kindness

Thank you for your humor

Thank you, your higness. 

Cheers to you dear Ms.Gisella

Cheers to your great big heart. 

I send you a big roar to the heavens

Send you a smile and a twirl

Wishing you a safe journey home

Reunion with your husband

existence, conscienceness, bliss

peace, laughter and joy

A bow to you, enjoy and ahoy!

Agressive Halt

Agression take a halt

Thank you for the salt

Moving into the flow

Thank you; but no 

The Empress is here

Help you take care

Sow them now

Reap later in the year

Celebration my dear

Devil I beware

Dabble on both ends

Energy on full mend

Woop Woop

give me all you got

Woop Woop

Fuck You

Fuck you to the hurt below
Fuck you for the hurt you show
Fuck you for what you think you know
Fuck you for hurting another soul

Best recognize what you've done
Best put your pride aside
Best look inside before you die
Best do the do alive and thrive

<3 :)

Humbled Great

I am grateful to be humbled
called out for fakeness
humbled truth to follow
tears in movement
karma freeing emo

a young girl in arrogance
crying out for love
i understand
why it is we shove

no fault on anybody
we are here to grow
learn authenticity
flourish in flow

know our worth
there before birth
to live in love
to live in faith
to live without fear
grateful to be great

Elephant Choke

Why do we not speak of the elephant?
I'm sorry is it because I let him in?
with the tiger that preceeded him?

A rock in my stomach, a lump in my throat
suffocation no pacification, elephant choke
oh mess Lord please help me go within

feel this pain that we all share
feel it out, dont flight, i dare
feel the hurt, feel the fear
feel it out, transcend, my dear

Thank you, dear Creator.
Hold my hand, make it all better.
Buy me an ice cream
my favorite flavor

<3

I'm Sorry

I try so hard to be queen
but in a good way, if you know what i mean.

Humbled me, there’s a lot i haven’t seen.
I’m sorry allowed ego control the scene. 

Like a child I spoke with unwilling sorries;
me, me, me.

I accused you of everything
for what actually I was doing to you. 

So sorry truly, for not trying on your shoes

In reality we’re still getting to know each other

right, why do i expect so much of you?

passive aggressive

I’m sorry for the frustrating blues

Forgive me for my childish ways

i want to let you know, i’m just trying to be brave

I just wanted to let you know

I’m sorry, new behave

Cultural Underground

#sanfrancisco

Love and Hate

Love and hate

mate to mate
search for one
ruin your fate

Flow they say
know thy grace
feed the glow
true to your soul

Thank you, world
remember my goal